your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
