i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
