Your face is a jimmy john
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize