I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
