let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
