I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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