i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
