The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
