You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
