It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
