he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
