its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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