how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
