We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You ate ashes out of my bong
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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