I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
