if only i could text you this smell
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize