well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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