Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
