He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
