Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
