Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
