i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
