idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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