My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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