I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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