I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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