we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The uberlube is also flammable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
