I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
