I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Alive.
So much puke
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
