Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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