Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
