I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
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