My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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