I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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