Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.