Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where is the hickey?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me