Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.