I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
