i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
