What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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