hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
