Im at strip club and am horny
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
