If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize