sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
