It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
