I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
