I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
