how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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