sarcasm needs its own font
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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