Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
