i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
