Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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