At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
