Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
