if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
