I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
