We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
