yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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