Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
