I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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