dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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