Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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