Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
