I must be too annoying 4 u.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
