I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize